Giving Up

… have you… anytime … heard a song and the lyrics were so faithful to your feelings that you thought … “when did I write this song?” LOL

Overcome Sexual Performance Anxiety… with Hypnosis!! Should I give it a try?

I’ve found this while I was Googling…  It sounds like an internet scam to me lol… but after a little search in Google again… humm… it’s to early to say that I’ll try it… but I’ve sent a lot of emails to different … “specialists” in the city, so let’s see what happens… I don’t wanna close any door… neither let any path without be explored.  The problem nowadays is that no matter to which asshole you ask for help… they’ll always say they can help you! … and never for free … and never even cheap… I feel like a desesperated poor guy willing to give money to whoever witch doctor that promises help him… aaaammmmmmm… so pathetic… 

Geez … this is so fucking funny hahaha… what will be next? join a sect? join the Mormons? time will tell… LOL. Do you imagine that hypnosis helps me?

I’m about to join a social anxiety group programme…

And when I said “I’m about”… it means that I probably have to wait for 12 months LOL.  The roots of my problems come from the social anxiety, it’s never diagnosed to me, because I’ve developed the way of to be self-confident in some situations, like hang out with other people on parties or meetings… but hiding the inability of to have an intimate relation, that is exposed when I’m about a sexual intercourse. I’ve felt lonely all my life, it’s like watch the life through a glass… you can see… but you can not get involved in it, that’s social anxiety, feel yourself lonely even when you are surrounded by people, and run away without move your foots. It’s lie if you try to get into a crowd that moves too fast… you can keep yourself there for a while but as you’re not strong enough … you’re repelled again to your place behind the glass.

I’ve never felt what real friendship feels like, even knowing that I have friends whom would take care of me if I needed. It’s seems always like “artificial”, like something that is “pretending to be”, but it’s actually not real, even when it is. I always see my goals very high … and emptyness behind me… so I’m always afraid of not be strong enough to keep going and to fall in that dark emptyness.

I’ve been making some research about this, because as I said, it’s never diagnosed to me, in fact because nobody has done the right questions to me…; so I have to look for answers by my own… and after to the test about social anxiety for applying to the group… I have realized that yes, it’s my problem or very close to my problem. Actually I’ve also joint recently a web forum about all of this, and after read a lot about other people’s problems… I feel the pain of lot of them.

Well, I’d like to fix my problem before one year haha … so although I’m gonna leave the door open … I’ll still try to look another center, group or psychologist that may help me. Specially when I’m feeling so bad lately, I want even more finish with this.